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  • Anna Scheer

What is sex?

Updated: Aug 2, 2023

Where does it begin and where does it end? Sex is the big heading and experiencing sex are all the subtitles underneath it. Never-ending and ever-changing.

Sex is a topic for most of us, no matter if we have it or not. We grow up without being taught much about "it". We are somewhat left alone to figure "it" out all by ourselves. Most of us share similar stories of growing up in our families and with friends and people in our lives that all did not tell us a great lot about s-e-x, although we knew from very early on about "it“ existed.

I was lucky. I come from a sex-positive family.

A sex-posititive family meant that my parents were open to talk and joke about sex and sex wasn't a tabu in our home. The topic of sex surfaced when I discovered a jelly-like, white liquid sticking to my mothers leg and when my dad had lots of sex with his second wife. Everyones nudity was welcome at home. I knew both of my parents dressed and naked and it didn't make much of a difference. Nobody shamed me about being sexual active or not, or told me how to dress or act as a girl.

I saw my father on various occasions have sex with my stepmother. Sometimes it was surprising and a little uncomfortable and sometimes it was hilarious, when I was on holidays with my seven siblings. We caught them and my little stepsister would say „Your dad is riding my mum.“ She was about five years old and had no clue what they were doing. We had a great laugh. Poor thing, she had just seen her mum have a good time with my dad.

Sex is all around us.

We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for sex. We need sex as much as we need food. Sure we can go on a diet or be asketen. But that will impact our lives. We can also go for „McDonald’s Sex“ and just get a quick fix at 4 am after clubbing all night. And we may or may not regret it afterwards. Some of us may like to go for a five course dinner and savor the delicious tastes for hours celebrating the moment with a glass of an elegant wine. Some of us maybe like it like a bit of sport in-between or after work, like a little juicy workout to get a little hit and get right back into their creative headspace. The way we have sex is as endless as the times and ways we eat. What’s clear is that we need sex. Again, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. And there is more to it.

I like to expand my understanding of sex to a much wider spectrum of best case pleasurable moments. The dark side about sex is that it is used for imposing power on others. Rape, sexual assaults, manipulation are always part of the game. The side of sex that most of us want is adding the juicy flavor of pleasure to our lives.

In my understanding sex is putting my hand into the ocean and touching a sea slug under water in a natural pool filled with fresh, crystal clear ocean water.

Having mind-blowing conversations through which I feel my life has shifted and I see the world through a new pair of glasses that’s definitely sex for me. Hugging someone I feel love towards and leaving no space for air in-between my body and the other body feels like sex to me as the hearts slowly merge into the comforting bliss of feeling held, love and safe. Making love to myself by using a ton of almond oil and sinking into a moment of timelessness just by myself- my hands, oil, my bluetooth speaker with my spotify playlist and my sex toys. I reach the heavens and scream for them to open their doors before my sight vanishes and I drop back on the ground with my wet body and tears running down the back of my lower legs.

My definition of sex is feeling pleasure channeling through my entire body and touching my sweet spot that says yes to life. Sex is making me feel alive, inspired and creative. Sex is nourishment for my soul through an impulse that moves my guts, heart or mind. Sex is a little tingle in my clit, a wish to taste, feel, touch, hear, move and experience it again. Sex is feeling the aliveness within me. Sex is what I always want to have very close.

Sex is my drive through life.

Sex is making love to my life when I open myself to break open and surrender. I have experienced laugh-gasms and cry-gasms. All orgasms are welcome. Sex and orgasms can be but don’t have to be related. Sex is the big heading and my experience of sex are all the subtitles underneath it. Neverending and ever-changing.

Once I believe I know what sex I want then life surprises me and shows me another kind of pleasure. Sex is a flexible matter that is forever changing its form and its container, just like water that tastes differently from country to country and adapting its form to its container. The further I expand my concept of sex the more sex I have and the more pleasure can enter my life, my body and my senses.


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