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  • Anna Scheer

How to have better sex with your lover?

Sex is like anything else we do,

it’s fun when we are passionate about it,

as long as we are authentic, curious and explorative it stays exciting,

and because we do it with another person

it needs a ton of communication,

and an openess towards all failures and successes in our infinite trials.

Sex starts as an agreement between lovers. Sex can be a negotiation about what feels better and what wants to be explored before, whilst and after sex. You can try telling your lover anything and everything all the time whilst you and your lover are making love - before, whilst and after sex. Talk about what you are fantasizing about, what are you excited about?. You have great ideas let them know it! You got an idea whilst they were doing this thing to you and you realized you wanted something else. You want to get a drink of water or want to take a break and get back to it a little later.

Often sex is regarded as a „scene“ but what if we turn it into a dialogue. The more you get this running dialogue going together, the hotter your sex gets, because you get more spontaneous of what you actually feel like in that moment.

Listening to your deepest desires

Ask your body: „What do you really want?“ and listen to your deeper desires. There is a simple ritual named „Pussy Talk“ for female bodied people, which can be done with your lover or by yourself. Connect through your breath to your body by taking a couple of deep inhales and opening your jaw as you breathe out. Give a loving hug with your hands on your vulva or use a mirror and look at her. Ask your pussy: „What can I do for you? How can I make you feel honored, loved, juicy, safe?“.

Listen to what she has to say. The more you use this practice the clearer you will feel your bond growing and your communication with your pussy will become more fluent. How can you speak for her to your lover?

A lot of the time men can feel criticized by getting directions around how to touch and how to do things for and to their lover. When actually this can be relaxing for them because they only need to do what their lovers want them to do. Directing the other person's actions changes the dynamic and also gives permission to the other person to voice their wishes and desires.

You can try this as a love-making game.

One person takes the role of the receiver and the other one is the giver. It’s important that whatever the giver does is for the pleasure of the receiver and not for the pleasure of the giver. Try it and see what happens. The person receiving direct the touch and caresses of the giver. Try being very specific about the places of your body to be touch and be specific about the quality of the touch: hard, soft, deep, slow, fast. Swop roles and have a chat afterwards to see how each of you felt in each role. Which role did you enjoy more, the one where you could receive and direct the touch you wanted. Or to be in the role of the giver, giving pleasure to your lover exactly like they told you to.

Everything we need to know is within us. And that also goes for sex. What gets in the way is what we believe sex should be like. We pick up all sorts of inputs from social media, pornography and what people say and think but what’s really important is what feel best to you right at that moment. Nothing else matters.

If sex is attempted as a team-orientated activity and communication is easy, then it gets hot, sexy and a place to explore fantasies and juicy places that are yet to be discovered. As a sexpert I’m a sexual seeker and love to keep exploring qualities of touch, pain & pleasure and surrendering as I’m feeling safe to risk.

The basis to a fulfilling sexual life is having the knowledge about communication skills, genital anatomy, sexual practices and a pack of curiosity.

Every woman can heal her sexual trauma through the Bodysex® method.

If you feel the calling and you are ready for you journey of feeling whole and not broken by taking full authorship over your body then book your place on our group experiences at the Women's Pleasure Retreats. If you want to work One on One with me book your Individual Bodysex® Retreat at exactly the time that fits best with your schedule. Here you can check out the next dates for all our Events & Retreats coming up.

If you have any questions feel free to send me an email. I would love to hear from you!

Wishing you to enjoy your exploration!

With love and gratitude,



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